Gamers short story: The Lap Pillow of the False Shopkeeper
Editing: Ulti, Xenthur
Just what the hell is going on?
“Why did you do such a thing, Vanir-san!? How do we remove this!? (Moi didn’t think that you’d have such a strange resistance to this! This is the first time Moi has possessed a Lich, so this is completely unexpected! Now that it’s come to this, why don’t you just leave your body and spirit in my care and let me manage this store?) I don’t want that! Who knows what will happen to my body if I were to let you do as you wish!”
Along with Aqua, I came to Wiz’s magic store to play around, and upon seeing this scene…
“Hey, what kind of game are you two playing? Is it fun?”
“Ah, Aqua-sama! Actually (If it isn’t the troublesome goddess that only appears at times like this! As you can see, we are very busy right now, so go back home!)”
Hearing Wiz’s words, Aqua’s jaw dropped in surprise.
No, I suppose it’d be more accurate to say that they were Vanir’s words, spoken through the possessed Wiz.
“Y-You… I know you’ve been giving me a bit more tea and snacks lately, but don’t think just that will be enough to excuse such a tone!”
“C-C-Calm down, Aqua-sama! Look carefully, that just now was (There’s no way a Lich like me would want to curry favour with goddesses in the first place! The tea that I served you in the past were all expired goods. Didn’t you notice-) I really will get angry, Vanir-san!”
Even though Vanir tried to make matters worse, after that back and forth, even Aqua has caught onto what was going on.
“Say, Wiz, at the end of the day, aren’t you a Lich? How could you let your body be taken over by a devil so easily? And you, weird devil, do you really like Wiz that much? Do you really want to stick to Wiz that much?”
Yes, Vanir’s mask was currently attached to Wiz’s face.
Just like how it was when he possessed Darkness, the two of them seemed to be waging an internal battle for control of the body.
“Even if you say that (If it were up to Moi, if moi had to possess a body, moi would obviously choose a better, easier to control vessel!) In short, Vanir-san… Hey, hold on a minute, Vanir-san! How could you say that after suddenly possessing me!”
“I see. I don’t get it at all. Can you two explain things one at a time… Seriously, just what happened here?”
Things wouldn’t progress at all if they kept this up, so we stopped the two and listened to them recount the events leading up to this.
“That would be… Vanir-san said that he wants to sell a new product, but, well, he calls it a product, but… (A shop where the owner provides a service of lap pillows and ear cleanings. Doesn’t this shopkeeper look like she’s overflowing with kindness and curves? So I conducted a survey amongst the adventurers that went, ‘If such a shop existed, would you frequent it?’. More than 50% of them said that they would become regular customers, 30% of them said, ‘hurry up and open the store!’, and 20% of them wished that the lap pillow be available for afternoon naps as well. It was very well received.)”
“Of course I’ll become a regular customer too! When are you opening? Will you be offering afternoon naps and bed warmer services too?”
“Don’t joke with me too, Kazuma-san! In the first place, my lap and such is too cold, so it wouldn’t be very comfortable, and it’s too shameless! I can’t do that…! Plus, all the adventurers who responded to the survey were just joking with me!”
Though, I do feel that people will really come to make use of such a store…
“I see, so you wanted to force Wiz to do that… But Wiz is kind and soft, so I think that it wouldn’t be a bad experience. Why don’t you let me try!?”
“Let Aqua-sama try… Well, I don’t have a problem with that… But I’ve never cleaned another person’s ear before, so…”
Saying that, Wiz sat upon her knees, and Aqua immediately rested her head on her lap.
“…Come on, you’re doing pretty well for your first time. I think I might nod off like this… Hey, Wiz, it’s starting to hurt a little. You don’t have to dig that deep, do you? Hey, did you hear me? It hurts!”
“What are you doing, Vanir-san? I won’t let you have your way! (Hey, Wiz, stop getting in my way! This is the perfect opportunity! Moi won’t give up like this!)”
And thus Aqua almost suffered a lethal wound while having her ears cleaned. It’s only thanks to Wiz’s resistance that nothing major happened.
“Well… I understand how you were possessed, but how did you two become inseparable?”
“(Hmm, well, Liches are fundamentally cursed existences. After possessing such a thing, Moi ended up getting cursed too.) Don’t make it sound like I’m a cursed item!”
“Well, I am fairly interested in the lap pillow ear cleaning business, so why don’t we just keep things as it is?”
“No! If I’m sharing the same body as Vanir-san, I wouldn’t be able to even take a bath! (There’s no need to worry about that, Moi has no interest in your naked body at all, so you can rest assured and attend to your business.) You’re tactless! Vanir-san is way too tactless! Can’t you borrow Aqua-sama’s power and think of some way to seperate us!?”
Looking at Wiz on the verge of tears, Aqua showed a troubled expression.
“If I use purification magic until only one of you is left, would that count as separating you two?”
“Please think of some other method! Kazuma-san is especially reliable at times like this, so do you have any good ideas!?”
Even if you suddenly ask me, I can’t…
“When a ring gets stuck on your finger, you can easily slip it off after coating it with soap and the like.”
“I’m begging you, Kazuma-san, please think more seriously about this! (Why don’t you just give up and open the lap pillow service? We’ll be able to earn some more money and eat something more filling than what you have now.) No! Plus it’d be very troublesome if things were to continue like this. Speaking of which, ever since this started, well… (Ah, Moi see. Don’t worry, young lady, Moi will try my best to not hear anything, so…) AAAAAAAAHHHH!”
Thanks to Vanir’s unnecessary concern, Wiz’s scream resonated throughout the store.
— Later, the mask was easily removed after coating it with soap.
Well, this is the last short story that I have for volume 13. I’m hard at work on the second Dust spinoff, and while I still can’t make any promises at the moment, if all goes well, I might be able to start posting it next friday, or at worst the friday after next.
Anyway, it’s been a fun time. I hope you’ve enjoyed volume 13 as much as I have.