Bidding farewell to this annoying world!
Editing: Adam, Cannongerbil, Xenthur, Boringbone
It was the season where snow melts and the time for adventurers who shut themselves indoors to venture out once again.
The monsters became active in their breeding season; that’s how spring was.
“Don’t wanna–! No! It’s cold outside! Hey, what’s wrong with you? Are you two idiots? There’s still snow everywhere, so why are you rushing to go out? Are you still kids? Are you on the same level of children who want to play outside? If you really want to, then go by yourselves!”
Spring was also known as the time when people turned hotheaded.
It might be spring now, but there was still snow outside the town.
Aqua clung to the couch in front of the fireplace as Darkness and Megumin tried with all their might to pull her away.
In reponse to the two who wanted to do quests because of the surge in the number of monsters, Aqua was throwing a tantrum, saying, “It’s still cold” and “Don’t wanna”.
“Who’s the kid again? Aqua, you’re acting just like one! Hurry, we’re going! You’ve lazed around enough in the winter, it’s about time to start working! Or else…!”
“Frogs and other monsters are turning active outside the town; I heard the farmers are facing losses. Adventurers are obligated to protect the residents! Hey, hey, Aqua! Release your hand now! If not…!”
Megumin and Darkness glanced in my direction as they said that.
“You’ll become like that!”
Their voices synchronized.
Aqua timidly followed their gaze and looked at me.
“Even I don’t want to be like that… But you should take care of that bum before talking about me!”
Aqua said something rude with a complicated expression.
“Hey, you girls, even the gentle me will lash out if you do that. What are you all talking about? Calling me a bum is rude, okay?”
“If you have something to say, then come out of there first.”
Aqua, still grabbing the couch, replied to my protest.
The weather was bone chilling today. I wasn’t in the mood to answer such foolish opinions and pulled my head in.
I pulled back into the ultimate weapon of Japan, the kotatsu.
– After defeating the Demon King’s General, Vanir, we returned to town.
And found that devil still very much alive and working in Wiz’s shop.
He then made an ominous prophecy regarding Darkness and proposed a business opportunity.
The business proposition entailed the merchandising of goods from my original world.
I just needed to develop the merchandise and manufacture them, and Vanir would be responsible for the sales.
I intended to do this, anyway, thus, I carried out Vanir’s request and developed merchandize in my spare time during winter–
“… Kazuma. It’s about time to come out of there, all right? Or else it’ll be a bad influence on Aqua. I understand that Kazuma’s very capable and the warming items in your country are outstanding, but the snow’s already melting outside. It’s time to get active again, okay?”
Megumin bent her back and said with a gentle smile to me, who had morphed into a kotatsu snail, as if she was soothing a stubborn child.
“That’s right, Kazuma. That kotatsu thing was great during the winter. However, it is time to let it go. Come, help me like you did in the dungeon back then. Hurry, together…”
Darkness, smiling, bent forth and stretched out a hand to remove the blanket…
I cast a spell at Darkness’s defenseless neck.
Darkness whose neck and back was suddenly frozen, screamed.
Freeze was probably doubly effective in this season; it made Darkness cup her neck and shiver as she squatted down on the carpet.
“This… This man retaliated! Don’t push your luck, Kazuma! You’re lazing around too much even if the debts have been cleared! Get up now! Ah, what do you want to do with that hand, don’t resist and obediently, ahhh–!”
I grabbed the hand of Megumin as she tried to pull me out and activated Drain Touch.
Megumin whose mana and vitality were drained shook off my hand with a yelp.
She jumped back in a panic to get away and fell onto the carpet.
Megumin knocked into Darkness, who was still grabbing her neck, and held the back of her head, moaning as she kicked her legs in the air.
“Don’t look down on me. After all, I’m the Kazuma-san who crossed swords with Demon King’s Generals and high bounty targets. You think a clumsy Crusader and a silly Archwizard can defeat me? Come back after raising a few levels.”
I stuck my head out from the kotatsu and lectured them.
“… Kazuma-san’s getting good at using tricks; how troubling. But I’m fine with that. No one will fight for my special seat if Kazuma stays in his kotatsu.”
Aqua, glued to the couch before the fireplace, said as she watched the other two girls.
The two of them finally stood up with tears in their eyes and glared at me.
Even though they were looking at me like this, I didn’t feel that the current me would lose to anyone.
Going out in this cold, ridiculous…
– Oh no.
“Hey, this is bad. I have an emergency; I need to go to the toilet. It’s a bit willful, but can we have a short truce? Sorry, but can you carry the mat to the bathroom door, please?”
I asked the two of them as I sent mana to the kotatsu’s heater.
This kotatsu uses ores that’ll heat up if you inject it with mana.
So, the moment I got out of the kotatsu, the mana supply would stop and the kotatsu would cool down.
Fortunately, I robbed some mana from Megumin, so it’ll be warm for quite some time.
I thought the two of them would be mad, but they exchanged glances and followed my instruction obediently.
Megumin got in front of me, grabbed the edge of the mat under the kotatsu and said.
“You take the other side. Let’s throw this man outside.”
“On it. Aqua, I know you don’t want to leave the fireplace, but lend us a hand. You just need to help us open the door.”
“Stop, stahp! That’s inhumane! Hey, stop…! If you don’t stop, I’ll use Steal! I’ll use Steal!!”
Steal was very effective against the ladies.
But Megumin merely sneered.
“We already took a bath together, so there’s nothing to be shy about. If you intentionally steal my panties, you’ll be branded a lolicon forever!”
She… She doesn’t mind at all!
Why is she so unhesitant? Why is she so unladylike?
“I… I’ve been seen naked and washed Kazuma’s back too; something like Steal… Steal is… Ughh…”
Darkness wanted to compete with Megumin, but she was hesitant and became embarrassed.
“Let’s go, throw this hikikomori turned bum out the window!”
“Don’t do that! Let’s, let’s talk! Right! When it gets warmer I’ll let you cast two explosions in one day! I’ll use Drain Touch to take mana from Aqua and let you use explosion twice, instead of once a day!”
Megumin reacted strongly to these words, but was refuted by Aqua.
“Don’t wanna! Why must my valuable holy mana be used to do such silly things? My mana stems from the deep faith of the Axis cultists. This is the important mana given to me by my precious devotees! I won’t let you!”
“She might say that, but I’ll take responsibility in getting the mana!”
“Ughh… One day… Two explosions…”
“Ughh… Steal… Steal… No, but it might not be the panties in one shot…”
Aqua was wailing, while Megumin and Darkness were troubled over their thoughts. At this moment…
“Satou-san! Are you here, Satou-san?”
Someone was knocking loudly on the door.
The sudden visitor was prosecutor Sena, who had charged me in court some time earlier.
“Satou-san, it’s terrible! The lizard runners outside… The town…”
Sena came rushing in with a pale face, saw me with my head sticking out from the kotatsu, and turned silent.
“… Can I ask what you’re doing?”
“As you can see, I’m keeping warm, as it’s cold today. Ah, please close the door. You’re letting the cold in.”
After Sena heard what I said, she sighed deeply and closed the door.
“… Satou-san. You defeated two Demon King’s army generals and even took out the Mobile Fortress Destroyer. I have the highest praise and respect for you, but…”
What was with this demeaning attitude. Just because I was keeping warm inside a kotatsu?
“Ignore that bum. What brings you here in such a hurry?”
“Ah, right! Many monsters called lizard runners showed up and the adventurers in town are fighting them. The lizard runners aren’t that dangerous… But it’s their breeding season and the princess of the lizard runners was born…!”
According to Sena…
It was now the breeding season of this monster known as the lizard runner.
This monster was an herbivorous, bipedal lizard, and was normally not dangerous. But once a large-sized female known as the princess runner is born, the lizard runners would cause all sorts of trouble.
The lizard runners would congregate under the rule of the princess runner, and the group would compete to be the mate of the princess lizard.
And their way of competing was unique…
Standing straight up using their two legs, they would run at an incredible speed.
Just like frilled-neck lizards that were all the rage a while back.
And they didn’t compete against each other, but instead sought out other fast species, racing them and leaving them in the dust.
And the one that could win the most would become the princess runner’s mate and become the king runner.
Why princess? Shouldn’t the spouse of a king be the queen? And if you’re calling them lizard runners, why is it ‘king runner’, and not ‘lizard king’? Trying to pick apart all this would drive you insane.
I hated this world even more after listening to this nonsensical way the lizard runner lived, but this was no small matter for people traveling by horse, dragon, or bird.
To race, the usually docile lizard runner will kick their opponent, no matter what it was.
And then, it would run away.
The kick of a lizard runner was powerful enough to break bones if it hit the wrong place.
With reports of the princess runner surfacing, the guild handed out quests to take down lizard runners…
“And so, I’m here at Satou-san’s place!”
Sena looked straight at me with eyes full of anticipation.
“What do you mean? Didn’t the guild issue out extermination quests? Why are you here then? Someone will do something about it anyway.”
“What are you saying? Was it not Satou-san that said, when the Demon King’s General occupied the dungeon– ‘The obligation of the adventurer is to protect the citizens who live in fear of monsters’.”
Did… Did I say such a cool line before…? I think I did.
“Hey, it’s useless to say that to the kotatsu bum over there, all right? I don’t think Kazuma, who cleared his debts and made a tidy profit, would work before the money runs dry.”
Aqua, who was staring at the fireplace, said without even looking this way.
“Yeah, Kazuma has the lowest level among us after all. It’s natural for him to be scared.”
And now they were saying such nonsense…
“… Hey, you, when did my level become the lowest here? Aqua, you… I remember your level being rather high after defeating all those undead. Megumin…”
Megumin showed her adventurer’s card proudly.
“… Why is it so high?”
“I defeated the Mobile Fortress Destroyer and Demon King’s General, Vanir. Most of the minions were done in by me too. Of course, my level is high.”
Are you kidding me?
And with such a high level, she should have plenty of skill points. But she used all of it to raise the power of her explosion spell.
However, there was one person who had a lower level than me.
“Darkness should be lower-leveled than me, right? You can’t hit the enemy, so you should have the most problem leveling up. I don’t know what lizard runners are, but it’s not time for me to take the field yet. Darkness, go grind some levels…”
She then shoved her adventurer’s card in my face arrogantly.
“During the fight with Demon King’s General Vanir, the masked dolls he created were basically defeated by me. They were difficult for normal people to handle, so their experience yield was high…!”
She said victoriously.
The card displayed her level to be 20.
I was annoyed by Darkness, who was shoving the card into my face.
I spat on the card on reflex due to my annoyance and Darkness screamed.
While stealing a glance at Darkness, who was wiping her card in tears, I got out of the kotatsu, took out my card and looked.
The displayed level was 13.
… Oh no, my level had become the lowest before I knew it.
I heard Aqua and the others saying that the weak Adventurer job could raise levels much easier than high-tier jobs…
Sena tilted her head as she looked at me studying my card. She looked me straight in the eye and said without any doubt:
“What’s Satou-san’s level? Satou-san crossed swords with a Demon King’s General before, so it must be really high…”
“Hey, you guys, ready your gear. We’re going to do some quests!”
I interrupted Sena with my hasty announcement.
“I think Kazuma can’t handle that woman. Did you suffer a lot during your stay in prison?”
Megumin asked the me who was physically and mentally tired as we made our way to the blacksmith in town.
“They didn’t do anything overboard, but they didn’t treat me really well either… She seemed to be thinking of me as an ally of justice or something. I’m the type who would prefer not to work and live a stable life, so I wish she won’t look at me with those expectant eyes”
After I defeated the Demon King’s army general Vanir, Sena came to me whenever there was trouble.
I wasn’t someone with special powers like Mitsurugi.
My stats were lower than normal adventurers, except for my luck.
To be honest, defeating the Demon King’s Generals and getting bounties were just luck.
But to come to me whenever there was trouble…
“I feel the same way as that prosecutor and hold Kazuma in high regards. Even with someone stronger as an opponent, you’ll unscrupulously grab their weak point and run if things turn bad.”
“Are you praising or mocking me?”
We reached the blacksmith as we spoke.
I wasn’t simply lazing around during winter.
I accepted Vanir’s proposal and started developing merchandize that was easy to manufacture. To do so, I learned a new skill.
I asked the owner of the blacksmith to teach me the skill Smithing.
With this skill, I could work with metals and even create all sorts of items.
By the way, I stopped all my work the moment I created the kotatsu.
As payment for teaching me the skill, I taught the owner of the blacksmith shop the technique of making katanas from my vague memories watching documentaries on TV.
My cheap short sword was breaking, and with the influx of cash I asked the owner to create new equipment for me.
He promised to sell the first blade he crafted using this technique to me.
I was worried that the chest plate, gauntlet and shin guards wouldn’t be enough, so I requested for a full set of armor.
I shut myself at home for long, so it should be done by now–
“Yo~! Old man, is it done? Is my sword done?”
“Welco… Oh, it’s just you. That katana you taught me to make is done. The shape looks just as you described…”
The owner took out a sheathed sword and handed it to me.
The sword was curved just like a katana.
I picked it up and drew it…
“Oh… It looks great…! It’s not as pretty or sharp as the real thing, but it’ll do.”
“Sorry about it being imperfect! I researched that ‘quenching’ technique of yours but didn’t get it at all. Nonetheless, this is interesting work. You just need to write the name of the sword on this magic talisman and paste it on the hilt to complete it. This will be your precious sword from now on, so pick a nice name.”
The owner said with a crude smile as he took out the armor I ordered.
Naming the sword…
I observed the body of the sword and thought of sword names that came up in games.
“Kazuma, Kazuma, hurry up with the name. I’ve been staying home all winter and my urges have been piling up!”
“… But you cast your Explosion every day. Be patient, naming a weapon is important. I need to think about it carefully…”
I replied to Megumin, who was excitedly rushing me, and fell into deep thought.
Muramasa… Masamune… Kotetsu…
“Here, the full plate armor for men you ordered. I just put lots of adamantite in it, a high-quality equipment for the adventurers of this town. Use it with care.”
As I was thinking about which weapon to use, the owner brought the armor over.
The bright green full plate of armor was quite intimidating. It made me feel that I would get injured if I were to wear this.
I put on the armor gleefully…!
“How is it? It fits just fine, right?”
The owner said confidently.
The size fit just right. Although it fits…
“… It’s too heavy, I can’t move.”
“… Is, is that so…”
The owner looked at me as if I was a pitiful child.
It seemed that with my weak stats, I couldn’t equip such high class equipment.
Fortunately, my size was rather standard, so the owner accepted my request to return the goods.
I was planning to raise my attack and defense drastically, but this couldn’t be helped.
I guess getting a new weapon would do for now.
“All that’s left is the naming of the sword. I have to do it seriously… Kiku-Ichimonj… Kogarasumaru…”
As I was pondering with my arms crossed, Megumin suddenly came to my side and said:
“… What did you just say?”
“I said Chunchunmaru. Its name is now Chunchunmaru.”
Before I realized it, Megumin was already hugging my sword tightly.
… No, no, no.
“How can you call it such a strange name? This is an expensive custom-made item, okay? As my precious sword, I have to give it a cool name…”
The owner yelled when he saw Megumin hugging the sword.
I looked at the sword and saw the talisman on the hilt of the sword.
On the talisman was…
“… Miss, you already wrote the name down…?”
“I did. From today onwards, this sword shall be known as Chunchunmaru. It’s settled, Kazuma! Let’s do a quest!”
“You, you, what have you done? Ahhh…! My sword…!”
Megumin pulled me with her as I held my sword that was bestowed with a weird name.
“– Hey you… That sword cost a lot of money, and you just… If I use this sword to defeat the Demon King, it’ll be displayed in a museum and be labeled ‘The weapon of the legendary hero, holy sword Chunchunmaru’–how are you going to fix that?”
“I already picked a cool name in the place of the indecisive Kazuma. What are you unhappy about? Putting that aside, can Darkness convince Aqua to come out?”
Megumin said a bit uneasily.
We asked Darkness to persuade Aqua while we went to collect my weapon, but…
“Don’t wanna–! I don’t wanna go today! Tomorrow! I’ll go if it’s warm tomorrow! I have a bad feeling about today! My instincts as a goddess are telling me so!”
“Stop spilling nonsense about goddesses! Hurry up, stop grabbing the couch… Ah! Don’t… Don’t pull my hair!”
– In the mansion, we found Aqua and Darkness wrestling on the ground.
The persuasion was a failure… There was no other option.
“Darkness, let Aqua watch the house since she’s so unwilling. The three of us will be fine.”
“As expected of Kazuma! It doesn’t happen often, but you can say good things sometimes! Look Darkness, Kazuma-sama already said it, so unhand me!”
Now with me as an ally, Aqua started slapping Darkness, who was grabbing her hand.
“Never mind that–the two of you, this is our first quest in a long time. After getting the reward, let’s eat a good one outside. A hot-pot party!”
The goddess of parties reacted strongly when I said that.
The other two realized my intentions and looked at each other–
“That’s right, we’re beginning our adventure anew after the end of winter. For the long road ahead, let’s eat lavishly tonight.”
“Great, let’s have fun outside. I know a good shop that caters to nobles. I’ll make a reservation there tonight.”
They said something like that immediately.
Darkness released Aqua’s collar, and Aqua started talking uneasily.
“… Hey everyone, how about bringing the ingredients back and having a hot-pot party at home? Right, I’ll prepare the ingredients for everyone who’ll be tired after adventuring. So, I think it would be better to have a party here.”
We replied to Aqua together.
“Please watch the house.”
“Wahhh, I was wrong, don’t leave me behind–!”
The open plain outside of town was still covered in remnants of snow.
“All right, this is a good spot. Let’s begin!”
On top of one of the few trees, I assumed a sniping position and gave the signal to start the operation.
“I’m ready, no problem! I’ll let the weak Kazuma level up fast and take out the Demon King for me soon.”
Aqua crossed her arms under the tree I was at, watching my target like a Niou.
<TL Note: Niou: Two wrath-filled and muscular guardians of the Buddha standing today at the entrance of many Buddhist temples in East Asian Buddhism in the form of frightening wrestler-like statues.>
Now that she mentioned it, we do have the goal of defeating the Demon King…
“Yeah, Aqua’s support spells are taking effect. With this, I can take on any number of them!”
With her sword sticking into the ground, Darkness stood coolly with both hands on the hilt and looked very dependable.
“Leave any stragglers to me. I’ll blow them all away if they get too close.”
Megumin took a stance with her staff, a fearless smile on her face.
– Fully equipped, and with levels over twenty (except for me), we could be considered mid-tier leveled adventurers.
“Then let’s get it on! Proceed as planned! I’ll Snipe the king and the princess runner! Without those two, the lizard runners should disperse, so we can ignore the small fries. If the Snipe fails and they charge at us, I’ll snipe again while Darkness holds them off them. If it still fails, Megumin will blow them all away with Explosion before they surround us. I’ll take out any stragglers from up high, and Aqua will support everyone with magic… All right, begin!”
We had always acted impulsively. But this time, we adopted a plan that considered the possibility of failure.
I won’t be a rookie forever.
Using Farsight while on top of a tree, I could see the group of lizard runners from far away.
The lizard runners looked just as Sena described.
Like if a frilled-necked lizard turned green, grew larger, and walked upright on two legs.
In that group of lizard runners, there was one that was twice as big as the others.
It had a crest-like horn on its head and the other lizard runners followed it like servants.
“Hey Aqua, there’s a lizard runner with a crest-like horn on its head. I know that’s the princess, but which one’s the king?”
“How would I know which one’s the king? The king runner… Should be the one that looks like it’s full of itself, right?”
I wanted to shoot back with how one could tell if a lizard was full of itself, but gave up. I was the stupid one for asking her.
I could identify the princess runner by its features, but to find the lizard that won the race…
I found a lizard which the princess runner was hanging all over.
Right, the winner should be the mate of the princess.
The one who was closest to the princess should be the king runner.
I aimed for that lizard and pulled my bow tight…!
“Oh, leave it to me, Kazuma! I have an idea! If the winner of the race is the king runner, then it must be the fastest! Amongst my holy spells, there’s one that does the opposite of repelling enemies and attracts monsters! If we call the lizards over, the first one to get here must be the king!”
Our plan was to Snipe the king from afar, but knowing which is the target was important.
But Aqua’s method of drawing the enemy over to identify the king was putting the cart before the horse.
“Hey, what are you saying? Do creatures like goddesses have the habit of pouring oil onto fire? I already found the king, so don’t…”
Before I finished, Aqua chanted her spell.
A bluish white flame ignited in Aqua’s hand. After seeing that flame, I wanted to beat her up even though I wasn’t a monster.
The emotion of me wanting to scold her for doing unnecessary things must be the effect of that spell, right?
The lizard runners, while far away, also saw the flames. They cried agitatedly and charged at Aqua.
“They are fast!”
Darkness, Megumin, and I were amazed by the lizards’ speed.
Megumin started chanting explosion magic in a hurry, but at that pace they would be here before she finished.
Darkness stood before Megumin while I set my bow and yelled angrily at Aqua.
“You moron, do you feel unhappy unless you mess something up? No one asked you to pretend to be a retard, so clean up your act! It would be over if I took out the king and princess, so why the hell are you drawing them here?!”
“Why, why are you saying all this suddenly?! I only wanted to help, why are you so angry? Ahhh, I knew it! The development will be the same as usual, right?! The lizards will mess me up bad! I already knew this was coming, so get it over with!”
After I lectured Aqua, she shouted exasperatedly and laid on the ground in a tantrum with her limbs spread out wide.
“Cast support spells and healing you fool! Don’t lie there, you’ll get trampled!”
As I shouted, I aimed for the king runner closing in at an amazing speed and shot at him with the Snipe skill.
My aim was true and the arrow hit the suspected king lizard, who was at the head of the pack, right between the eyes.
The accuracy of Snipe was dependent on luck.
Even though I had scant experience with a bow, my accuracy was high because of my strong innate luck.
I thought the other lizards would falter after taking out the king, but somehow the other lizards became fiercer.
“Hey Aqua, don’t just lie there! I took out the one that looked like the king, but they became even more aggressive!”
Aqua was still lying on the ground with her limbs spread out wide.
“If you take out the king first, the other lizards will be fired up since they have the chance to be the new king. You should’ve taken out the lizard princess first.”
“Tell me something that important earlier… Ahhh! Me-Megumin! Megumin! Is your spell ready? I permit the use of Explosion! The distance is enough, so blow them all away!”
“Leave it to me, wahahaha! Taste my explosive magic! Explosion–!”
But nothing happened.
“? Ahhh! Mana! Kazuma, I don’t have enough mana to cast Explosion!”
“Ah? Why at a time like this…? Oh crap!”
It was because I drained Megumin’s mana this morning!
“What… What… What do we do, Kazuma! The princess runner! The princess runner is really…!”
I looked, and the large lizard with a crest–the princess lizard– and its servants were charging us furiously, angered by the death of its mate, the king runner.
Aqua laid below the tree I was on while Megumin was besides her.
Darkness stood before the two of them to guard them…!
“Hahaha! Bring it on–!”
She shouted in high spirit.
The lizard runner mob crashed into Darkness, who was standing before Megumin!
“Wahahaha! Ka, Kazuma-san! Kazuma-san!!”
Aqua finally screamed as the lizard runners rammed her, but I didn’t have time for her.
The princess runner determined that I was the enemy and glared at me alone.
From the speed she was running, she must’ve been planning to jump right up and kick me down the tree! How scary!
“Hold them off a little while longer Darkness! I’ll take care of them now!”
“Don’t mind me! Ahhh! You… You can take your time, ugh–!”
As I listened to Darkness being kicked repeatedly by the lizard runners, I drew my bow and aimed right between the eyes of the princess…!
I shot an arrow at the princess runner, who was kicking right at me!
At this distance, I won’t miss even without Snipe.
The arrow was right on target, and the leg of the princess runner lost its strength and missed me.
“In the nick of time…!”
I muttered softly to myself as, in the face of a powerful foe, adrenaline rushed through me.
The body of the princess runner hit the tree with its inertia.
Taking a defenseless cool pose after shooting the arrow, I lost my balance and fell down the tree.
The lizard runners saw me falling…!
– And got out of the way agilely.
And I fell head first to the ground and heard a dull thud.
“Ka- Kazuma? Are you okay? Aqua! Kazuma fell in a weird position! Use healing magic…”
As I listened to Megumin’s frantic voice, my consciousness slowly–
I stood there blankly, face to face with the goddess Eris.
It was a holy shrine-like room I visited when the Winter Shogun killed me.
Just like then, I was standing right here.
Before me, with long, silvery white hair and blue eyes–
Was the extraordinarily beautiful Eris.
This real goddess scratched her cheeks with her finger and said with a troubled expression:
“… Um, please live carefully, all right? It took a lot of effort to break the rules and revive you… Senpai will forcefully resurrect you anyway, but I’m always the one who suffers…”
“Sorry, I have nothing to say for myself this time, my apologies!”
After killing the princess runner, I fell from the tree and died while boasting about my victory.
Even I thought this was a lousy way to die.
Eris sighed deeply.
“You are an adventurer, so it’s understandable for you to encounter dangerous situations. I know that, but… You were too careless this time…”
I kept lowering my head and apologizing to Eris.
Eris’s suspicion was probably true, and Aqua would revive me shortly.
I troubled her again.
“Um… What happened to the others after I died? Are they okay?”
“Yes, there’s no problem. Senpai was trampled on since she laid down and pleaded for help mid-way… But while Darkness was holding them off, the lizard runners dispersed after the princess was killed. Megumin-san wasn’t hurt thanks to Darkness protecting her. Senpai is fixing your body right now.”
Great, so the quest was sort of a success.
It’s fine to let them wait for a while.
Although I died, I was unexpectedly calm.
Maybe I hit my head when I died so there wasn’t any pain, or perhaps I had gotten used to it.
I looked around me as if I was sightseeing.
“… You’re really calm despite dying. The people who come here are usually more confused…”
“I’m used to it. Once in Japan, twice in this world. I’ve visited a total of three times now.”
I answered Eris as I looked around the room.
… There was nothing here.
Eris looked quietly at me as I checked out the surrounding.
I had nothing to do, so the two of us looked at each other.
… Oh no, this is awkward.
What was taking Aqua so long?
“Won’t you feel bored staying in this room without anything to do? I don’t know how many people are in this world, but do people visit often?”
Eris answered me with a smile.
“That’s true. My job is to guide the people who died because of monsters… I’m usually busy, but the adventurers stay indoors in the winter and I’m thankfully freer. If I’m bored, that means everyone’s safe, so having nothing to do is great.”
Eris said with a brilliant smile.
I couldn’t take it anymore. What was happening? My chest was stuffy and my face was burning up.
… I always thought there was something missing in my life in this world.
Although we lived under the same roof, there were no romantic developments between my comrades and me at all.
All of them looked pleasant and nice, but…
The self-proclaimed goddess who daydreams before the fireplace and only eats and sleeps.
She welcomed her 14th birthday recently, but there were still probably legal restrictions; competitive and troublesome explosion maniac loli.
Her figure looked great at first sight, but she had a strange fetish; a crazy noble lady.
What I wanted wasn’t so extreme.
I just want a gentle girl with common sense.
– That’s right, the main heroine was right here.
As I was feeling awkward, with my face turning red.
“Actually, I don’t stay here all the time. Sometimes, I ask someone to cover my duties so I can play in the mortal world… Keep this a secret, okay?”
Eris-sama winked and gave me a mischievous smile like she did the last time.
Oh, my heart…
I nodded my head repeatedly with my blushing face when–
“Kazuma! Can you hear me, Kazuma? I already used Resurrection, so you can return now. Get Eris to open the door already!”
Every single time, this girl who couldn’t read the mood would barge in like this.
Why couldn’t you just take a little longer…?
I thought about something totally different from my previous thought and almost clicked my tongue.
“Just wait a bit more. I still have many things to say with Eris-sama. Please take care of my body before I go back.”
I answered loudly into the void.
Eris-sama yelped “Huh?” softly, then lowered her head shyly.
I didn’t know if my voice reached her. The surrounding became silent.
“Ah? What are you saying? Don’t spout nonsense and get back here! Raise your level, defeat the Demon King and return me to heaven!”
Aqua’s words reminded me of reality.
– Defeat the Demon King.
That’s right, defeat the Demon King. The low-level and powerless me must challenge the Demon King.
And I had the handicap of being surrounded by problem children.
Even if I’m revived, I’ll just continue to suffer with the three of them and take on the ridiculous task of defeating the Demon King.
I’m aware of the situation.
Work hard, awaken an incredible power and defeat the Demon King with luck–this damn world won’t let something so good happen.
I’ll probably die a few more times in the future.
What do I get for working so hard?
… I didn’t answer Aqua and fell into deep thought.
I pondered about my future life and the hardships I’ll experience going forward–
I choose starting my life over with reincarnation.
“Hey Aqua! I’m tired of life and won’t be going back! I want to reincarnate as a baby and start over! Send my regards to the others!”
When she heard what I said, Eris yelled.
In the end…
“What nonsense are you saying? Wait!”
As I listened to Aqua’s panicking voice, I turned to Eris.
“In summary, Eris-sama, I have a request. I won’t ask for much–but if possible, I hope to be a boy in my next life. I hope to be born into a family with a beautiful elder step sister and a cute younger sister.”
“Wait, wait a minute! Please, please wait!”
Eris seemed to be panicking when she heard what I said.
Aqua’s voice rung out again.
“Kazuma! Darkness said that if you’re not coming back, she’ll doodle on your face! She’s excitedly holding a marker now!”
… I… I won’t be shaken by something like this!
I’m dead anyway, do what you want with my bod-
“…? What are you doing Megumin? What are you doing to Kazuma’s clothes…? Hmm, Megumin? Wait, wait, Megumin?”
“Hey, hey stop! What are you all doing to my body? Don’t desecrate the dead, you’ll be cursed!!”
How were they abusing my body?
While I was feeling uneasy, Aqua screamed.
“Megumin! Megumin!! Wait, Kazuma-sama! Come back! Hurry!!”
“Hey stop it! Aqua, stop Megumin! Stop…! E, Eris-sama, please! Please open the door! I beg of you!!”
Looking at how frantic I was, Eris chuckled and snapped her fingers.
A door of pure white appeared before us.
I stood before that door in a hurry…
“Well then, Kazuma-san. I’ll pray that you will not come here again. Have a safe trip!”
Listening to Eris bid me farewell, I opened the door…!
Megumin’s face, red from anger, appeared before my eyes.
She was sitting on me, tidying up the clothes on my chest.
“… Hey, what are you doing? I even thought of you as the only one with common sense, except for being an explosion maniac with a strange name; what did you do to me?”
Megumin didn’t answer, stood up and said:
“Hey, if you have any comments about my name then let’s hear them… It’s all your fault for joking about ‘not coming back’. If you throw such a tantrum again, I’ll do something even worse.”
She thought it was a joke, but she would get even more mad if I told her I was half serious.
I checked every part of my body and sat up.
“… Hey, what did you do to me? Depending on what happened, I might be too shy to look Megumin in the face from now on.”
I glanced at Darkness and saw her squatting on the ground with her hand covering her red face.
I threw a suspicious gaze at Aqua, who was squatting at the side, waiting for me to stand up…
“… What are you making a sacred goddess say? Ask her yourself.”
She averted her face.
“Hey, tell me Megumin. If not, I’ll be very conscious of you from tomorrow onward…”
“You’ll know after taking a bath at home… That aside, how’s your head? Anything wrong?”
I touched my head. There weren’t any problems.
Come to think of it, I died falling from a tree.
“Kazuma, your head was bent in an incredible direction. I thought you were acting out a scene from ‘The Exorcist’. Your wounds are serious, so no fighting for the next two weeks.”
I felt a chill after hearing Aqua’s words.
‘The Exorcist’ was that horror movie where the head would turn 180 degrees.
My head ended up like that?
Megumin patted my shoulders as I was shivering while holding my head.
“Let’s retire early for the day. Look, thanks to Kazuma the lizard runners have dispersed. Thank you for your hard work. I’ll report to the guild, so go back and rest, Kazuma.”
Megumin used a gentle voice I never heard before to say this.
She must’ve been worried about me and my death experience.
I accepted her kindness gratefully and returned to the mansion with Darkness, who was red in the face and refused to look at me in the eye, and Aqua, who was covered in the footprints of the lizard runners.
– After reaching town, Megumin headed for the adventurer’s guild.
And then, on our way back to the mansion.
“Speaking of which… Why did you say something so silly, Kazuma? You’re living a wonderful life surrounded by beauties; what are you so unhappy about that you’d refuse to come back?”
Darkness nodded when she heard what Aqua said.
Looking at the two of them, I–
When the two of them heard me snicker, they yelled.
When we reached the mansion, and I was about to open the door, Aqua harassed me.
“Hey, I think you’ve been looking down on us recently, right? Didn’t I revive you too today–although Kazuma didn’t want to! Hey, stop treating me like an unwanted child! Revere me more! If you go to the capital of water and hot springs, Alcanretia, you can find lots of my statues and merchandize!”
I think it was weird to make figures of a goddess you idolize, but I said to the noisy Aqua behind me without turning back:
“Moron, when did I treat you like an unwanted child? Without you, who will clean the toilet? For someone who proclaims to be the goddess of water, there are few places more suitable for you to clean than that, right?”
“That’s what I’m talking about! I’m the goddess of water, not the goddess of the toilet!! I’m saying your attitude is bad, you have to treat me nicer!”
I entertained the teary-eyed Aqua casually, entered the mansion and took off my equipment such as my chest armor.
I turned and saw that Darkness was taking off her armor, which had been battered by the kicks of the lizard runners.
Darkness kept peeking at my lower abdomen after I took off my armor.
When I looked at her curiously. Darkness averted her eyes with a red face.
I was a little concerned about it, but I just revived and still felt a bit tired.
Since I was going to rest early, I went to take a bath.
Entering the bathroom, I reached for the magic heater, used mana to heat the water, and stripped in the changing room…
And charged outside.
“Where’s Megumin? She isn’t back yet?! That stupid loli, don’t think I’ll hold back just because she’s a kid! I’ll strip her with Steal and let her enjoy the same treatment!”
“Megumin said she would stay in the inn with her friend for a few days after visiting the adventurer’s guild– ahhh?”
After seeing I was nude, Darkness, who was reading a magazine on the couch, hid her face into the magazine.
I still didn’t get what her standard of shame was, and had no time for her.
Aqua looked at me, who was grinding my teeth, with bloodshot eyes.
“… Hey Kazuma, having confidence is a good thing, but I think being too cocky isn’t good.”
“Mo-Moron! Weren’t you there when Megumin wrote this? Damn, damn you, ahhh!”
I escaped back into the bathroom.
And washed the words ‘Holy sword Excalibur ↓’ from my lower abdomen.